Fortunately for me, the crew of the Ice Cutter saw me standing all alone on the Ice floe and came to my rescue. No longer able to feel my feet or toes, my fingers turning a dark black color ... No that aint right.
Wednesday morning while sitting at Starbucks, drinking a not so hot latte the sky lit up, a huge meteor the size of ... No that aint right.
Last Friday at four fifty-seven PM ... At the most unfortunate time in my life, the bus coughed twice and came to rest on the railroad tracks, in the distance I could hear a train whistle ... No that is definitely not right.
Lately I have been experiencing “memory concerns
” which stems from a shop accident. (Before you say anything Clifford, I have only set myself on fire one time this year, so technically I am having a pretty good year.)
Here is what happened.
My youngest grandson, who is a true joy in life, and I were playing in the shop. This kid is a real pip, a kick in the pants, full of joy. He never has a bad day, when I took him to the zoo, it was the best day of his life. When we went out to eat Ice
Cream, again, it was the best day of his life. When we went to the rail yard to watch the trains, it was the bestest day of my life Grandpa.
Ask him what his most favorite thing in the entire world would be, and he lites up like a 200 watt General Electric made in China LED and says .... Chocolate!
So anyway, I was chasing him and occasionally he was chasing me. And although I have owned this old bus for years (10+ as I remember it) I managed to collide head on with one of the mirrors. You would think, that after so long, you would REMEMBER the mirrors, not in my case. Incidentally, this hurts A LOT MORE than stepping on a badly placed yard rake and getting smacked between the eyes.
Just thought I would mention that.
As I was saying, the initial contact was quite painful, and after I woke up, I discovered that I was now fluent in Portuguese and had an inclination to dress in women’s clothing for short periods of time.
Later on, while sitting by the pool, watching the kids, I noted something they were doing and I had one of them thar Eeeepiffany things
(I got an idea).
These free spirited youngsters were beating each other over the head with these foam sticks that are pool toys. Their unbridled joy and enthusiasm quickly overwhelmed me, and it dawned on me (hate to take my name in vain like that) that this item would make excellent head protection material for the average bus owner type guy.
So I trotted over to ChinaMart and picked up two of them, with a little cutting and tweaking, they fit the bill nicely. Work slicker than a buttered door-knob.
Pick up a pair of foam pool stick toys and protect yourself, you will be glad you did. Just strap ‘em to your mirrors and for-git-about-it.
Now I am going back to work on the Great American Novel. “IT ALL HAPPENED TOO FAST.”
It is a story that some of you will quickly relate to, or understand. “Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy quickly forgets girl, boy then remembers girl ... then girl tragically dies in hot air balloon fest accident in Albuquerque New Mexico.
Before the accident, I had it where she was killed in the Orange Bowl Day parade float that was modeled in a Metamucil theme, and it blew up for unknown reasons. That kind of sucked.
Why? Because secretly, deep down, all of us yearn for a Happy Ending, don’t we?
Watch those Right-Handers