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Author Topic: My entry as "Joke of the Week"  (Read 2984 times)
RJ
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« Reply #15 on: September 14, 2006, 11:57:15 PM »

Did you hear about the blonde who was dating a fellow with a wooden leg?




































Oh. . . too bad.  She broke it off. . . Grin Cheesy Grin Cheesy
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RJ Long
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« Reply #16 on: September 15, 2006, 03:05:56 AM »

ore ethnic jokes?

A young man walks into a logging camp on Vancouver Island to apply for a job.  The foreman had trouble understanding him and asks about his nationality.  The man says he is Welsh and the foreman says:  “Oh, so you’re a Wog – well we could use another hand, you can start in the morning.”

The man says:  “Thank you, but don’t call me a Wog – I prefer you use my real name.” 

The foreman says: “Everybody here has a nickname – a Frenchman we call Jack, the Irishman goes by Paddy.  Of course the Scott is called Mac, and some guy from Brooklyn goes by Mick – I think he is Italian.  Everybody just calls me Swede, and you can bet they’ll call you Wog whether you like it or not.”  The Wog says:  “Well, I guess that will be OK.”

The next morning when Swede arrives at the mess hall for breakfast he finds a bunch of guys piled on top of the Wog, beating the hell out of him.  He starts pulling them off, one by one, and says:

“Mick, Mac, Paddy, Jack – leave the Wog alone!”



 

A Norwegian applying for a job is confronted by a reluctant personnel manager who thinks he can just simply outwit the guy.  The manager tells him that yes they need someone in shipping, but he will have to pass a math test.

“I try,” says the Norwegian.

For the first test the managers says:  “Go to that blackboard over there and inscribe the number nine without using any numerals or words.”  The man goes to the board and quickly draws three trees and says:  “Dere you are, tree and tree and tree is nine.

Thinking this guy is no dummy the manager went to his next trick and says:  “OK, now the next one – change the assignment to ninety-nine, same rules.

The man thinks a bit then draws smudges all over the trees and  says:  “Dere you are, dirty tree and dirty tree and dirty tree – dat’s ninety nine.

By now the manager was starting to sweat.  So, he says:  Ok now you have to change the number to one hundred – same rules.

Without a moment’s hesitation the man adds a dog walking away from the trees, and little lump under each tree.  He turns to the manager and says:  “Dere you are – dirty tree and a turd and dirty tree and a turd  and dirty tree and a turd – dat’s a hundred – ven I start?”       
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Casper4104
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« Reply #17 on: September 15, 2006, 04:51:58 AM »

Ever sleep with a blonde?

        Once or twice...

Ever sleep with a brunette?

        Many times, many times,,,

Ever sleep with a redhead?




         Not a wink.   Grin
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If a half a hen lays a half an egg in a half a day - how long would it take a monkey with a wooden leg to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle?
Moof
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« Reply #18 on: September 15, 2006, 08:10:10 AM »

Here are a few things to ponder, which most folks have probably never thought about:
 
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Can you cry under water?

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How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

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Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

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Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

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Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

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What disease did cured ham actually have?

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How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

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Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

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If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

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Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

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Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

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Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

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Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural

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Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

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Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

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If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

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Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

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If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

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If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

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Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

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Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

 

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FloridaCliff
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« Reply #19 on: September 15, 2006, 08:33:16 AM »

Ok.....I admit it.......I sang them!  Grin

Very funny


Cliff
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1975 GMC  P8M4905A-1160    North Central Florida

"There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded."
Mark Twain
BusCrazyTom
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« Reply #20 on: September 15, 2006, 08:39:37 AM »

Ok, one from grandpa

Grandpa used to own a country store in a logging town in Arkansas, and the old people of that time believed that if a pregnant woman was scared by something during her pregnancy, often her baby would look like what scared her.

One day, this lady came in with her infant daughter, who was, as described to me, a very ugly child.

Upon seeing the womans baby, after she left the store, my grandpa commented that that lady must have been scared by a gorilla while she was pregnant.

An old man in the store then chimed in and said, "Scared, Hell! That gorilla caught that woman!  Grin

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Clarke Echols
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« Reply #21 on: September 15, 2006, 07:56:30 PM »

(snip stuff)
By now the manager was starting to sweat.  So, he says:  Ok now you have to change the number to one hundred – same rules.

Without a moment’s hesitation the man adds a dog walking away from the trees, and little lump under each tree.  He turns to the manager and says:  “Dere you are – dirty tree and a turd and dirty tree and a turd  and dirty tree and a turd – dat’s a hundred – ven I start?”       

Sku' det være sjovt?  Hvad er det med at lava sjovt a Norskere?  I er sikkert nok nole slemme folk,
hva'?  Men sadan er livet midst busnødere hvist nok, ikke rigtig?

Så skal i gøre om det, hvad?

Hey, it ain't Norwegian, but it's close enough -- it's Danish.

Clarke
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ghanson
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« Reply #22 on: September 16, 2006, 06:21:54 PM »

Brazilian Soldiers

Donald Rumsfeld briefed the President this morning.
He told Bush that 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq.

To everyone's amazement, all of the color ran from Bush's face.
Then he collapsed onto his desk, head in hands, visibly shaken,
almost whimpering.

Finally, he composed himself and asked Rumsfeld......

"Just exactly how many is a brazillion?"
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